a boyfriend once who loved showing me his family movies. What could
I say? "No, I don't want you to show me your life"? That
would have dampened the mood. He thought it was fun. So I'd sit
there watching him as a seven-year-old, playing in the back yard.
Watching him turn 10 and blow out all the candles. Watching his
brother, his mother, his father, his dog, happy and smiling. And
I'd get very depressed after that.
I've never been compelled to record life in order to look back
on it. Why would I want to re-live memories that weren't great
to begin with?
If anyone had made a family movie of me
as a child it wouldn't have been very exciting. There I am in
a chair, reading. Oh, and there I am again sitting on some steps.
And that's me looking at something.
Last night I found myself watching a repeat
of a reality show. I've decided the only thing worse than watching
a reality show is watching a reality show you saw six months earlier,
that wasn't even reality to begin with.
Could I sink any lower? Why not eat an entire
pot of Haeagen-Dazs and chew off my feet while I'm at it?
When The Apprentice USA was on in America,
everyone I knew was into it. So I watched one episode and I got
hooked. The suspense gave me something to look forward to.
Then it ended. I moved on. But now, six
months later, I'm watching the same episode again. How sad is
that? I know what happens. I know who wins. The people in the
show have got on with their lives. What's wrong with me?
I changed the channel. Maybe there was some
real reality I hadn't seen yet.
On the news was an 80-year-old heckler being
ejected from a political conference. I turned back to The Apprentice.
Watching politicians makes watching stale reality TV even more
My friend Derek called. When I told him
what I was doing he was horrified.
That's pathetic, he said. I agreed. But
hold on. Hadn't he recently watched a repeat of a football match?
Why is it acceptable to watch a sporting event that's already
happened but if it's a reality show, it's pathetic?
"Because it's historical," he
said. "And I can learn from it." What, and I can't learn
from observing Big Stacie back-stab Little Stacy? I'll have far
more uses for that strategy than he'll ever have for examining
the slow-motion replay of a penalty kick. How will that help him
in his property business?
Maybe watching a reality show wasn't as
sad as I thought. I bet the people who go on these shows have
tons of family movies at home, where they're laughing at birthday
parties and smiling on holiday - and look how they turned out.
I feel better already.